Bucky the education badger at Henry Vilas Zoo in Madison. John K. Wilson/WPR
Don't mess with those that have Badger medicine. As this video of an African Honey Badger shows, these animals don't back down. I admire this medicine and I think I may need a large dose of aggressiveness to move past the obstacles I am facing in my life. To put theory into practice is not easy. Can I reach a point of certainty about what my next move should be? The type of certainty that is a source of strength for Badger, providing "the willingness to fight for what it wants." (Medicine Cards, p153)
I'm still asking myself, "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" How do I know what to fight for if I don't know what I truly want?
The first full week of August has begun and week 31 of our year-long journey from heartbreak to empowerment is coming to an end. As I try to decide what the best approach is to building the life of my dreams, I find myself, once again, feeling like I need to make a choice between 'buckling down' and finding a job that pays me well enough to pay my bills and pay down my debt for the next year or more . . . or can I can make it work if I 'go for it' & build a business around teaching yoga, coaching young athletes, and writing/promoting my book - To Kill A Coyote?
"If Badger pushed its way into your cards today, it may be telling you that you have been too meek in trying to reach some goal. Badger asks you how long you are willing to sit and wait for the world to deliver your silver spoon." (Medicine Cards, p154)
Am I waiting for a silver spoon to magically appear and feed me the life of my dreams? I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that, but I'm not sure how to make it work. I've accepted it is not going to be on my timeline. Do I need to ask others to support my vision, support my art? Am I going to continue to insist on doing it all on my own as much as possible and only ask for help when I have no other choice, when I'm desperate?
When am I doing the right amount and letting the universe support me and when am I pushing too hard and trying to direct the universe to go in the direction I want to go instead of being guided by the wisdom within? When am I not pushing hard enough or when am I turning away from opportunities without realizing it because I'm too scared to take the risk? Can I be content and remain fated? Can I be fated and live the life of my dreams? And why am I so damn tired most of the time?
I have a lot more questions than answers this week and Badger has many good insights to help guide me/us to empowerment on many levels.
"In this medicine, the key is to become aggressive enough to do something about your present state of affairs. Badger is teaching you to get angry in a creative way and say, 'I won't take it anymore.' You must follow-up by keeping your eye on the goal. Honor the healing process as you express those inner feelings.
Be aggressive, but don't cut others to ribbons on the way - that is too much aggression. Use your anger to stop your lolling around, so that your doldrums of apathy are a thing of the past. Badger is a powerful medicine when properly used for self-improvement.
Remember that Badger may be signaling a time when you can use your healing abilities to push ahead in life. Heal yourself by aggressively removing the barriers that don't 'grow corn.' Cut away the dead wood and use Badger's aggression to seek new levels of expression. Use Badger's medicine roots to keep grounded and centered in the process."
(Medicine Cards, p154)
It is time to move away from being 'busy' (i.e.- throwing spaghetti) and get smart about how I spend my time each day. It is one thing to throw some spaghetti at the wall and see if you get lucky - see if something sticks. It is a whole different commitment level to put together a plan, follow a strategy, implement tactics along the way and still find that it is not meant to be. You have done all you knew how to do and you have failed is a different level of risk and exposure than 'let's see if this sticks' . . .
Badger has shown me that anger (a feeling I have been experiencing recently and mentioned in my Week 29 Blog) "stems from anger toward the self. It is an anger of helplessness that is misdirected toward others." (Medicine Cards, p154)
Badger not only provides answers but also prompts questions - What is it that I am feeling helpless about? "It is [my] lack of aggressiveness or initiative?" (Medicine Cards, p155)
"Badger teaches [us] the pitfalls of shyness and insecurity as well as of misused or vicious aggression. ... [This] medicine can be difficult and learning to use it properly is a rare gift."
I think that I need more than a week to learn from this small creature. As I contemplate Badger medicine today, it resonates at a deeper level with me than it has previously. It applies more directly to my life at present than it has in the past and my inactivity regarding marketing my book and actively pursuing opportunities to write, teach and create a more loving world for myself and others needs to end. "No more inactivity can prevail without creating pain of some kind." (Medicine Cards, p155)
My issue isn't that I sit around doing nothing but rather, I keep busy doing a little bit of everything without focusing or having an intention. It is my inactivity regarding actively engaging in building the life of my dreams that leaves me exhausted, having endless to-do lists and tasks and yet I feel like I accomplish so little. I'm not working smarter, I'm just keeping busy out of habit. It doesn't help that I find so many things fascinating and interesting which makes it really easy to be distracted. And, to say that I have been commitment shy in pretty much all areas of my life since my divorce in 2010 is probably an understatement.
It goes back to what I said earlier, how do I know what to fight for if I don't know what I truly want? I must decide what I want, where I want my life to lead and then I must use Badger's determination and willingness to fight to follow that path with unwavering dedication. It may be that I work a job for the next few years if that is the best option at this point. I will commit to this job fully, knowing that it is helping me build toward the life of my dreams.
It is time to find the answer to that pesky question - "What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?" . . . No more inactivity, enough of 'busy'. Time to move past the fear and the helplessness that I felt as a child. My heart is healing and I know that I have the power to build the life of my dreams. With this awareness, I will ask the universe what I am meant to do and I will decide what I need to do to bring this vision to life.
Once I make the decision, I will have the certainty needed to be able to tap into Badger's powerful medicine and bring about the life of my dreams.